By Cliff Le May
A light-hearted ‘poke’ – pun fully intended – at the expected influx of bogus straight men shamelessly posing as oppressed gays fleeing persecution in Uganda, in order to take advantage of Britain’s woefully liberal immigration and asylum laws. These people will even supersede all the other refugees in case there be further oppression at their three-star accommodation; ‘straight’ (sorry) to the top of the housing queue! Needless to say, leaving Native Brits to languish at the bottom of the pile as usual.
Sadly, there will of course be genuine gay men fleeing real persecution amongst the faux pretenders. Not withstanding that that is absolutely no excuse, for them having crossed several time zones and dozens of safe countries in order to take advantage of Britain’s misplaced generosity. That said, surely they would find a much warmer welcome in France in light of President Macron being ‘puckered’ out having been kissing African bottoms the length and breadth of the continent all last week, the poor darling must be exhausted. This is of course a very serious subject; but being possessed as I am of a rather perverse sense of humour, and of the mindset that if you didn’t laugh, you’d have to cry, I cant help but have visions of an influx of hordes of straight Ugandan men arriving at British airports up and down the country trying, and failing miserably, to pretend that they are ‘gay’, having furiously Googled, ‘what is a homosexual?’
Picture the scene; some 300 men at a time all escorted off the 2.30 from Kampala into the welcoming arms of British Immigration Officials, who no doubt themselves will be overseen by some Far Left zealot from the Home Office, leading to a truly bizarre scene reminiscent of some nightmare parody of a 1960’s British sitcom. The chap in the front will be screaming, “Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!” Someone ‘up the back’ (sorry!) will be shouting, “I’m free Mr Peacock!” There will no doubt be a couple of burly fellows dressed in ridiculously overlarge khaki shorts looking like extras from, ‘It Ain’t Half Hot Mum’ to various cries of, “Hello Honky Tonk” with shouts of, “Shut that door!” heard in the background and “Come along Ever’ard”. All this accompanied by eye rolls, shaking of heads and tuts from the beleaguered Border Force officials. Let us now visit the arrivals lounge where there will no doubt be a welcoming committee of well-meaning genuine homosexuals perhaps hoping to give the new arrivals a warm hand on their entrance (groan, sorry!) These will be spearheaded perhaps by a Pride worthy gaggle of D list celebs who make a living parading ‘overt’ over ‘blown’ iconography, with whistles, flags, banners and goodie bags for the new arrivals. Imagine how disappointed this genuine welcoming party will be upon seeing this sad misuse of laws set up to protect those fleeing the real threat of persecution, whilst conversely, these fakists upon seeing what’s waiting for them may well harbour second thoughts and change their tune to, “Who dear? Me dear? Gay dear? No dear!” whilst discreetly slipping their wedding rings back on and eyeing the next outbound flight to Paris. This is of course a satirical, ‘tongue-in-cheek’ article.
Perhaps Dad’s Army’s Corporal Jones was right all along with his infamous catchphrase…